A CHALLENGING MEDITATION

 

I take a deep breath... Will it hurt if I stop for a while, if I take 10 minutes out of my busy day, to reflect, to relax, to just "be" for a while? To scribble down some jumbled up thoughts on a sheet of notepaper?
	The waves trickle gently onto the shore. The sea sparkles with the reflection of the bright morning sun. The children are skimming stones on the water; searching for crabs in the rock pools.  The last time I was here the waves were being smashed into pieces by a strong Force 9 gale.
I'm late. I've got people to see and some shopping to do before I head back to my home 250 miles away on the edge of London, a world away from this rocky little beach down by the lighthouse.
I'm scared of losing him, scared I've got something "wrong" with me...	I skip back over the last few days - it's been a week of delving into the past, facing up to things I thought I'd put behind me, in a desperate attempt to "sort out" the things that are keeping me from letting my boyfriend be close to me. Scared of losing him, scared I've got something "wrong" with me, scared of being real with people.

 

So it was with a few big personal questions hanging over me that I arrived
at 24-7's 5th birthday party on Saturday...

 

It's all very "24-7ish" - the DJ, the fairy lights, scruffy young adults dressed in "icbones" T-shirts and 24-7 dog tags. Some faces i haven't seen for a while. An air of expectancy and excitement.

 

It's not long before we hear the familiar quote...

I look around at the flags of the world and BANG! Suddenly things are
thrown into perspective as I ask myself,

"What IS the vision?"
"What's MY vision?"

"dangerously, obsessively, undeniably Emma".

I already know my answer. My vision is to reach out to people, communities, families that just don't stand a chance. To see lives changed, turned around, revival throughout London, across the country, the nations. Come on, Em. "What's my vision?" Time for a bit of honesty: "My vision. is Emma"

I can't help giggling to myself as my mind wanders on to the next line:

"dangerously, obsessively, undeniably Emma".

But it's not really a time for laughing. It's a sobering moment as I realise that I'm happy for God to be part of my vision - in fact, I'll even give him the lead role from time to time - but it's still *my* vision, not his. I've given up so much for him - I've gone without money, without food, without sleep, had windows smashed, been laughed at, shouted at, I'm always telling God that it's his agenda, not mine, more of Him, less of me.  Surely I'm on the right track, eh? Surely I'm "nearly there"? But y'know, I'm just a little girl on a long journey. Am I "nearly there" yet? No way!

When I first stepped into a 24-7 prayer room, I was suddenly and unmistakably hit by the power of God.

It's over four years since I first stepped into a 24-7 prayer room, when I was suddenly and unmistakably hit by the power of God; my life's priority list reshuffled into reverse order; when this Jesus I'd learned about in Sunday School became a real person; when the people I'd laughed at became my heroes, and people I'd idolised became introduced to the mystery of this God-epidemic that was going around.

In night clubs, shops, in the pub, on the street and in friends' homes I had the privilege of sharing how God had changed my life in the "upper room" of a church building, covered with passionate graffiti and creative art work.And as the week came to an end, God gave me this word:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new
thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the

And four years on, having journeyed to Wales for three years and now living back where it all started, the paths in the desert are very much in evidence. I can streams of water trickling across the dry ground. And I believe this word was for 24-7 as much as it was for me, and I believe it's for us today just as much as it was for us four years ago. As Pete Greig said on Saturday, "this is just the beginning".

"Are we nearly there yet?"

 

No way. We're just little children on a long journey, stumbling to keep up as our Father leads us along.